Void V/S Loneliness

Whenever I don't feel good, I try to label the emotion I'm feeling. I don't think that it applies universally, but for me, labelling the emotions I feel differently helps me face them better.

So, recently I broke up with someone after 4 years. He was cheating on me and it wouldn't work out. While the break up was a lot to deal with in itself, I think the worst part was the void I felt. Dictionary defines void as a completely empty space, but what it actually translates to in reality is - the absence of something which is causing an empty space. And oh my God, believe me it's more devastating than it sounds.

You see, I'd been lonely all my life. I was a quiet kid, I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, and I am still so socially awkward. I have always felt like the odd duck in a pond of beautiful swans - I mean I am cute but it's just not the same. And I used to think of it to be the worst thing ever - loneliness, until I felt this void.

You know, after you've once felt something so closely, love in this aspect, you actually know what you're missing out on. It's just as simple as this - an orphan feels loneliness because he has no one and a child who loses his parents feels the void his parents filled - he actually knows what he is missing out on.

After all, ignorance is indeed a bliss.

I mean, I know loneliness hurts like hell but having a void is like having your own personal hell - no one can see it, no one can feel it, no one can experience it but it's right there, custom made just for you. It makes you feel a little less yourself, like a part of you went missing too, and I can think of absolutely nothing as heartbreaking as that.

And the worst part about voids you wonder? The more you try to fill them, the more aware you get of their emptiness.